A new study shows thanks to abstaining from coffee, tea, and alcohol, Mormons live longer lives, but such gains are offset by boredom and joyless breakfasts. Mormons were 40% less likely to develop heart disease, but 200% more likely to be locked into two-hour plus conversations about the weather and a staggering 900% more likely to be invited to only the shittiest of parties. The study took place in Utah because there was nothing else to do.
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