Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Starbucks to Close 600 Stores on Your Street


Starbucks announced today they are closing 600 stores, all on the same street. Citing a downturned economy and the fact that many consumers have switched to heroin, the company plans to slow its expansion back down to "Metastic tumor-type rates." Starbucks is also offering a new line of lower cost products including:

  • A cup of foam (50 cents)

  • A cup (25 cents)

  • A nickel (10 cents)

  • Used coffee grounds (20 cents)

  • "Akeelah and the Bee" DVDs (30 for a dollar)

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