Another Short I Wrote for "Cavalcade of Comedy"

"Ted Nugent is Visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past"

President Bush Laid Off

Accepts severance package, leaves job tomorrow

Security escorted President Bush to the White House parking lot this morning, as he carried a cardboard box full of his remaining belongings to his car. "Hey, if you know anyone who's hiring..." the President told a guy who works in shipping.

Circuit City to Liquidate Assets; More Than 30,000 Unqualified People Lose Jobs

Woman Gets Secretary Job

Secretary

of state

New Obama Plan Offers Bailout to Anyone Who Bet on the Chargers

Barack Obama paid a visit to the Senate today, making one last effort to provide financial relief to all those who lost millions when the San Diego Chargers failed to cover in this weekend's playoff game. "If people who got involved with bad mortgages deserve a bailout, so do those who made bad bets," Obama reasoned after checking his sportsbook.com account.

Stocks Market Plunges on Golden Globes Results

News that Kate Winslet took home two Golden Globes sent investors fleeing equities this morning as the Dow Jones dropped almost 1.5%. Economists are urging investors to avoid a volatile climate in which Mickey Rourke can be awarded for anything.

Final Bush Press Conference: "I Wish I'd Eaten More Free Sandwiches"

The President identified his biggest mistakes as:

Failing to wear more tank tops

Not partying in New Orleans before Katrina hit

Not naming more stuff after himself

Using government forces to torture prisoners, as opposed to the private sector, which can torture more efficiently

Much-Photographed Wall Street Trader Says His Cat Had Just Died

"Not everything is about the financial crisis! I'm allowed to have moods, damn it!"